


Twas Loud Before Christmas

by Mama_Aniki, Ralte



Category: The Loud House (Cartoon)
Genre: Chaos, Christmas, Christmas Poetry, Comedy, F/F, Fun, Prosa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 03:22:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8952001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mama_Aniki/pseuds/Mama_Aniki, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ralte/pseuds/Ralte
Summary: Special delivery for the Louds!(Written by Ralte & Mama Aniki)





	

**Author's Note:**

> (Written by Ralte & Mama Aniki)

_It was very Loud before Christmas_  
_The Family was active and joyous_  
_The children and parents decorated the tree_  
_The garden had become a Christmas grand prix_

_While the roast was cooking and festive music was playing,_  
_Lincoln Loud spent his time with zombie slaying._  
_Dawn of the Decaying was an all-time favorite game,_  
_And he knew he would get the sequel today with the number three in its name_

_Then suddenly a flying van crashed into the living room_  
_It almost brought the young Loud an early doom_  
_Two green things, one large one small stepped out of the van_  
_“Hello“, greeted the large one “We are your Christmas Man!“_

_The smaller one turned to him and asked “Don’t you mean ducks?”_  
_Lincoln was still way too shocked to give more than two fucks._  
_“Who are you and what… is that a van?”_  
_The white haired boy asks as good as a person in shock can._

_“We are SwaySway and Buhdeuce, Breadwinners”_  
_Explained the two to him and his sisters_  
_Who came running to the room after hearing the crash_  
_Lola exclaimed “I tell mom and dad you stupid pieces of trash!“_

_When Lori Loud saw the two creatures,_  
_She was rather put off cause of their strange features,_  
_“Lisa”, she asked “have you again put us on drugs?_  
_Why am I literally seeing two butt ugly green ducks?”_

_“No drug I know of could hallucinate you that.“_  
_The young genius explained sternly and flat_  
_“What a cute four-eyes“ was SwaySways reaction_  
_He stuffed Lisa a loaf down her throat as a friendly action_

_Lisa swallowed it down the bread of enormous size_  
_And almost immediately had to pay the price._  
_Cause the bread was of magic and with a glow,_  
_Her hair all off sudden began to grow._

_While the genius hair was growing without hold_  
_Buhdeuce was running through the household_  
_He Popo-kicked a hole in the wall of joy_  
_The piece of wall then smacked into the musical tomboy_

_“Dude, what gives?”, Luna asked stern and not amused,_  
_But the two just grinned like two braindead bemused._  
_SwaySway bowed down in style, a grin on his face,_  
_He explained to the kids why they invaded their space_

_“We are here to bring you happiness and Christmas joy…”_  
_“…by stuffing your tummies with magic bread”, said the smaller duck boy_  
_“We are doing this to every Nicktoon for two years straight…”_  
_“…and we get rewarded with joyful tears and no hate!”_

_Before Luna could counter bread was stuffed in her throat_  
_One which a snake and a scorpion stuffed good_  
_Luna felt the hurt without pause or delay_  
_Screamed like she suffered from bodily decay_

_The larger duck ignited the Christmas lights_  
_He proved that he hadn’t the brights_  
_As he got the Christmas tree on fire_  
_Thinking it was part of the show his joy got only higher_

_While Lana tried to extinguish the fire,_  
_Lori’s blood pressure and anger raised higher and higher._  
_She tried to get the ducks out of the house,_  
_But they just stuffed another bread in her mouth laughing like Santa Clause._

_Before she had any chance to spit it out,_  
_She could feel her nose turning into a snout._  
_“You turned me into a giant pig!“_  
_The oldest screamed in terror big_

_“This is it, I am calling the police, I am serious“_  
_Lola announced more than angry and furious_  
_Instead she got forced down another piece of pastry_  
_It was stank bread which made her breath nasty_

_One sister now looking like Miss Piggy and one rather stinky,_  
_The third one’s throat burning the last having hair like a hippie._  
_Lincoln Loud saw it and started to feel more and more displeased,_  
_At the two green ducks and their bread based feast._

_Speaking of feast, the Louds’ was going to be ruined soon,_  
_Cause one of the Breadwinners went downstairs like a wacky toon_  
_While the two ducks run around they destroyed more stuff_  
_They didn’t noticed the problem it because they were rather deaf_

_Leni got a Dark Rye to eat which made her evil and rancid_  
_She stole all the presents and dissolved them with acid_  
_Luan was stuffed with Exploding Barley Bread_  
_It exploded in her and made her hurt and sad_

_Okay that is enough, Lincoln thought and went after the ducks,_  
_Right now the young boy was all out of fucks._  
_With Lana busy roping up an evil Leni,_  
_He was the only one standing against the enemy._

_Then Lucy scared the larger one with an off-screen teleport_  
_“Hey you scared me!“, railed the hazardous idiot_  
_He filled her throat with a loaf of Rainbow Confetti_  
_Which made her vomit a lot of colorful jelly_

_Lynn came to her aid with the needed bucket,_  
_…the only word that now rhymes is freaking Nantucket._  
_Let’s just ignore this poetic failure,_  
_And just focus on the Loud House’s interior._

_Cause after explosions and crumbled halls,_  
_The house was a danger zone with instable walls._  
_Lana was wondering how to fix that mess up,_  
_When suddenly she too became the victim of a duck._

_Only the loaf she got was rather charmless,_  
_Turning her breath only freshly mint and harmless._  
_Though for Lana this was a reason to shout,_  
_She was rather proud of her stinky mouth._

_The Sports ace Lynn had really enough_  
_She decided it was time to play tough_  
_Lynn gave the thin one an uppercut_  
_The fat one got a hard kick in the gut_

_But Buhdeuce wouldn’t go down_  
_He prepared another loaf to be thrown_  
_He threw and hit Lynn’s mouth with ease_  
_It was a Love Loaf for Lynn to please_

_Ronnie Anne choose this moment to arrive_  
_“What is going on in this crazy loud hive?“_  
_Lynn beheld her then and her glance became love-struck_  
_She started to kiss Ronnie then to everyone’s shock_

_Lincoln didn’t quite know what to say,_  
_Turned to the reader and spoke out his dismay:_  
_“Really guys, I don’t know what to think,_  
_I know for some of you this is a kink._  
_But for me you see, this “sexy” tongue twister…_  
_Is between my maybe girlfriend and older sister.”_

_While Lincoln was exclaiming his disgust,_  
_Leni noted the absence of the ducks._  
_“Where are those green monsters” Lori would ask,_  
_When a sound could be heard from above, turning her face into a death mask._  
_Cause it was the sound of a baby’s cry…_  
_…._  
_…._  
_And now we reach the part, where the Breadwinners die!_

_The cry freed Leni and Lynn from the bread-farce_  
_Leni tore the rope apart which held her in place_  
_They all run like a unit too Lily’s shared place_  
_Ronnie stayed behind and stared into space_

_“Why doesn’t she want to eat?“, Asked Buhdeuce_  
_While SwaySway tried to stuff the baby’s face_  
_Lily didn’t want to eat and tried to crawl away_  
_This was confusing for numb nuts like Buhdeuce and SwaySway_

_Like roaring Kaiju the sisters attacked_  
_They punched and hit the ducks like mad_  
_They Party-Punched and Popo-Kicked to fight_  
_“Stop attacking us guys! Don’t give us reason to gripe!“_

_“We stop when you two lie six feet under.“_  
_Promised Lucy with dark and merciless thunder_  
_And Leni, made merciless through Dark Rye’s sprout_  
_Punched SwaySway so hard that all is teeth fell out_

_Buhdeuce tried to fight with his behinds “grace”,_  
_But Lisa threw acids and bases into his face._  
_While he was crying in pain Lynn took the chance,_  
_And pushed him into his buddy, using a bat like a lance_

_The Breadwinners on the ground feeling nothing but pain,_  
_Looked up to the Louds, hoping for their sympathy to gain._  
_But no mercy was seen in nine pairs of eyes,_  
_Only the promise for those two to now pay the price._

_Lincoln now calming Lily in his arm,_  
_Knew those two were in for the harm._  
_They brought it over themselves with their gall_  
_Their stupidity is lethal and not charming at all_

_We have to cut back from these scenes now_  
_Because they would be brutal even for a R-Rated Show_  
_But we will tell you what they used in their assault_  
_On the thin and fat douchebag without any mercy and halt_

_They were used for experiments and listened to bad poetry,_  
_They were beaten up and sewn together by the eldest of the family_  
_They experienced the worst the Louds could do in the name of humanity._  
_Bombed by balls, with mud and pink flamboyant glitter,_  
_They went ex when they tasted cyanide so bitter._

_Finally the deed was done,_  
_To think about it is actually kinda’ fun._  
_This situation had something karmic_  
_Because more rounded characters did the trick_

_The gifts, the furniture and the House were destroyed_  
_The animals who got trampled by the ducks were annoyed_  
_This Christmas started to look really bad_  
_At least none of them was seriously hurt or dead_

_“So, now what?” Lynn would ask, feeling rather sore,_  
_She was no longer in the mood for inflicting gore._  
_Most of the Louds still affected by the bread,_  
_Felt at the moment god awful and sad._

_“I can clean up the damage as good as I can!”_  
_Declared Lisa to the members of her clan._  
_Pulling out a remote from behind her back,_  
_She summoned a robot that would clean up the shack._

_Lana and Leni rummaged through the flying van_  
_They found a ridiculous amount of bread in the can_  
_They found breads of a blue coloration_  
_Could this be the bread to deliver them salvation?_

_Lori found a book which described all the bread-effects_  
_“This can heal us from these bread induced events!“_  
_The oldest oinked like a younger Miss Piggy_  
_This made all the siblings very happy and jiggy_

_After the antidote loaf had them healed_  
_Two winged beings appeared out of left field_  
_One was female, pink hair and looked friendly_  
_The one with the green hair came across as wacky_

_„Hello kids“, the green haired wacko said in a squeaky voice,_  
_Lisa loaded a laser gun with quite a chilling noise._  
_„I don’t know who you are“, she stated rather dire_  
_„But if you were friends with the ducks, I am ready to fi-„_

_„Wowowowo slow down little one!“_  
_The pink haired being said taking away the laser gun._  
_„We are here to thank you for doing the deed,_  
_And get rid of those bastards by making them bleed.”_

_The Louds were confused and on their own admission,_  
_They gave the two beings time for exposition._  
_„This is Cosmo I am Wanda, we’re Fairy Godparents,_  
_We grant wishes to all of your world’s adolescents._

_„We are also Nick Toons and for 15 years on the run,_  
_Even if the jokes we deliver ain’t anymore so much fun._  
_These two ducks you just butchered were known as Breadwinners,_  
_Pesky little twerps and animated sinners._

_They terrorized our homeworld and dozen others too,_  
_With their stupid pastries and not getting a clue._  
_They ruined Christmas for our dear friend Timmy,_  
_This is equivalent to declaring war to a fairy._  
_So we hunted them down through the multiverse,_  
_Ready to make their lives so much worse._

_But then my dear husband there got us lost,_  
_We spend the last 20 hours in the world of Jack Frost._  
_„Come on Wanda, it was pretty fun,_  
_Especially when I managed to fight of that evil nun.“_

_The kids were confused but didn’t bother to ask,_  
_While Wanda continued talking about their task._  
_„So we hunted them and fixed up their messes,_  
_But never got a chance to kick their asses._  
_So we would like to thank you in the name of all Nicktoons,_  
_For getting rid of those greenish buffoons._

_“They had it coming, they tried to hurt our baby sister”_  
_Explained Lucy the fairies sinister_  
_“But they destroyed our house and presents this year_  
_I like this image but my siblings don’t hold it dear“_

_The parents by the way where out of the house_  
_They were at some restaurant, eating chocolate mouse_  
_Because the two deserved some time for themselves_  
_But seeing this would hit them out of their shoes_

_“I think we can gift you a wish this year_  
_Because you kids suffered a lot here“_  
_Explained Wanda with her usual cheer_  
_Cosmo meanwhile tried to ride a deer_

_The eleven huddled together and bespoke_  
_Luan said “This doesn’t sound to me like a joke_  
_I would have noticed that if that is the case”_  
_“Let us wish for some beautiful Christmas days.“_

_These words came from Leni, the dumbest and kindest_  
_“We can wish for everyone in this world a good feast_  
_We have the chance, we should do it“_  
_She said with a surprising amount of wit._

_“Have you decided?“, Cosmo now asked_  
_“The deer threw me off and kicked me fast“_  
_You’re doing it wrong you green haired weirdo“_  
_Explained Lana, who couldn’t believe this bimbo_  
_She quickly managed to get the deer’s trust_  
_“You have to be friendly or it ends in a bust.“_

_“We decided to wish not only for us“_  
_Explained Lola without much fuss_  
_“Everybody should have something from this wonder“_  
_Added Lisa, not so calm but a lot more happy yonder_  
_“Everybody in this world should have a good Christmas“_  
_Finished the largest Lori with unselfishness_

_The fairies looked at each other a bit in surprise,_  
_But they were kinda proud of the kids to being so nice_  
_„Wish granted“ they shouted lifting their wands,_  
_Unleashing Christmas magic that knew no bonds._

_As for what happened next, just take it for granted,_  
_Christmas became marvelous for everyone on the planet._  
_The spirit of kindness and generosity,_  
_Swept over the world in an awesome display._  
_For three days everyone seemed to realize,_  
_What truly mattered instead of emotional lies._  
_Presents got exchanged, old relationships renewed,_  
_People developed some good attitude._  
_The poor got fed, the sick got healed,_  
_Wonders all around, no easy feat._

_Meanwhile back in the town of Royal Wood,_  
_The Louds found everything turned back to good._  
_Their tree decorated, the house back to normal,_  
_A mistletoe hung from the ceiling rather formal._  
_The presents not damaged, the food on the table,_  
_The holy walls were back to being stable._

_„Have a nice Christmas“ Cosmo said with a Santa beard,_  
_Then he and his wife just disappeared._  
_They even got two ducks as part of the big meal_  
_The breadwinners would taste so good it was unreal_

_Ronnie stayed also with them to make things clear_  
_“I was worried about Bobby last year_  
_He packaged himself as Lori’s present without informing me_  
_I kicked him for his stupidity against his knee.“_

_Later then, the Louds, the Santiagos and the McBrides_  
_Sat down on the large dinner table on all sides_  
_“Your roast duck looks strange“, noted Bobby_  
_“It is just normal for this type of duck” hand waved Lori sloppy_

_Yeah you people can guess by barely using your brains,_  
_What happened with SwaySway and Buhdeuce’s remains?_  
_…_  
_No of course they were not eaten, that would be cannibalistic,_  
_You sick f**ks have a fantasy that is rather sadistic._  
_They got buried outside, no one will ever know_  
_The roast on the table was strange on its own._

_While the sisters were fighting over the best piece of the meat,_  
_Lincoln Loud was just glad for having avoided the heat._  
_He never suffered from the awful bread magic,_  
_That transformed so many others in ways rather tragic._

_But as we all know, pain likes company,_  
_And especially within a family._  
_So when Lincoln grabbed for some bread on the table,_  
_He realized to late what he would enable._  
_Cause this bread was not bought by his mother,_  
_Nor his sisters or his dear old father._

_It was from the late Breadwinners and its effect…_  
_Well, till Lisa found a cure on new year’s eve,_  
_The House had eleven girls much to „Linka’s“ disbelief_

_The Breadwinners are gone for good,_  
_Thanks to eleven kids in the Neighborhood_  
_And the moral of the story my dear kids, please carefully read:_  
_Don’t be an oblivious idiot or you end up very dead_

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas everyone!


End file.
